Story #002
The Surprising Seed of Wisdom
Max J Miller
You’ll notice I’ve added a new section this week.
Section 1: In Search of…My Wisdom Legacy contains stories and insights distilled from my life experiences.
Section 2: Thriving in Our Third Act presents helpful ideas and valuable resources I’ve discovered in my quest to make the most of this precious final season of life.
The Surprising Seed of Wisdom
As a novice ghostwriter, I was eager to discover gems of wisdom from my authors’ lives, so I asked questions like, “What have you learned in your successful career?”
Dull questions evoke uninspired responses.
Fortunately, I was blessed to serve some wise (and patient) authors. One told me something that boosted my ghostwriting chops and delivered a far-reaching personal breakthrough:
“Focusing on my success strokes my ego, but readers will gain so much more (as I have) from my worst failures—most painful and embarrassing.”
It made perfect sense. What’s the most engaging part of any great novel or movie? It’s the character arc. In the first few minutes, we discover the main character has flaws. We’re amused and drawn into the story.
At the climax, the main character triumphs over a significant flaw or blind spot. Consider Luke Skywalker finally internalizing his mentor’s words, “Use the force, Luke.” He disconnects the autopilot and trusts his instincts to fire the fateful shot at the Death Star.
In the classic romantic comedy plot (Boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy wins girl back), the climax involves a face-slap moment as the boy exclaims, “What a fool I’ve been!”
I agree with my wise client: the best lessons to offer others come from life’s most humbling and embarrassing moments.
Well, hallelujah! I have enough of those experiences to fill a library.
A few months after I graduated from High School, I was attending a funeral when I spotted one of my teachers. I felt a sudden surge of anxiety. Then, I realized I was embarrassed to speak with her. She directed the play The Night Thoreau Spent in Jail, and I desperately wanted to play Thoreau (the leading role). She had cast me as his young brother, John (a supporting role). I had declined the role, and I regretted my choice.
I walked to the opposite end of the room to talk with a friend (and to avoid my teacher). After a brief conversation, I turned and found myself face-to-face with Ms. Gahagan. I felt the heat in my face as I blushed.
We exchanged pleasantries, and then I apologized and told her I regretted declining the opportunity to be in the play. What she said has stuck with me all these years:
“Don’t give it another thought. Anyone who can’t look back upon his life and see himself as a fool hasn’t grown.”
I’ve had a lifetime to let that idea soak in and to begin to recognize failure and its attendant emotions as the necessary ingredients of maturity.
This message is repeated all around us. Carol Dweck popularized it in her book, Mindset. She distinguishes a fixed mindset (believing all talent is inherent and baked in) from a growth mindset (considering all skill is developed through attempts and failures).
This isn’t a new idea.
Epictetus, the Stoic philosopher, wrote in the 1st century AD:
“If you want to improve, be content to be thoughtfoolish and stupid.”
– Epictetus
Eventually, I figured out how to apply this principle to my ghostwriting. I started asking about the authors’ biggest mistakes and embarrassing moments, which quickly triggered a flood of memories. We laughed more, and the stories had more depth and emotional resonance.
Stick with me in the coming weeks and months, and you’ll be amazed at my endless stream of face-slap moments.
I’ve learned that how I approach these foolish moments determines their impact. One way is hopelessness and resignation. We sigh and mumble, “What’s the point? or Why bother trying?”
We may as well be quoting Macbeth: “And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death” (Shakespeare’s Macbeth, Act 5, Scene 5).
Another attitude accepts these moments with joy and learns from them. As Colette wrote, “You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm.”
Now, that’s much more my style.
For decades, I attempted to develop a consistent meditation practice. I went on retreats and listened to guided meditations. Each time I got discouraged and failed to develop it into a habit.
Friends encouraged me to keep trying. I knew it could help with anxiety and focus. I didn’t know how I could succeed at meditation with my “monkey mind.”
Then, I found an app, and something inspired me to try it again. The teacher on the app had an appealing serenity in his voice and asked me to commit to an experiment of ten minutes of practice for ten days in a row.
That seemed doable, so I dove into my first session. In this session, the instructor made one point: your mind will wander, and noticing your mind wandering is the essence of the practice. When you notice your mind has wandered, gently bring your attention back to your breath.
That’s it?
Almost nine years later, I still have a daily practice that has enriched my life in so many ways.
Anxiety is one of the common maladies of aging. There’s an app for that!
If you’d like to try meditation, I’m offering you a 30-day Guest Pass to the Waking Up app.
I don’t get any compensation for this. It is the most valuable thing I’ve done for myself in the last decade, and I want to share it with you. And I’d love to hear from you about your experience.
Cheers,
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P.P.S. If you’d be interested in participating in a group to discover the untold stories of your life, simply click here to join the Storytelling Waitlist.
P.P.P.S. It’s springtime here in Washington, DC, and the cherry blossoms are blooming. But the tulip magnolia in my backyard is almost as glorious. See for yourself:
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